Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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