i think my mom watched the whole time
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
