his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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