Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
