So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
