nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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