I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
