Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
