did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
