I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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