i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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