the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
