lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
