hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
