It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Randomize
