I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
