Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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