he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She bit a glass in half.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
