So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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