I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
