I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This toilet bowl is my home.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
