I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
