i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
