I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
