If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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