4 words: hood of his car
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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