He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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