so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
