I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
