I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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