Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
