So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
