Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
