Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
