This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
