I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
