you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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