I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize