Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
