You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize