He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
