I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
