just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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