I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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