What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
