he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
