I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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