He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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