Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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