Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
