aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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