I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
