bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
