they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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