If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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