You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
