she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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