i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
