So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
