smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
