My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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